What makes us doubt our self worth?
Taking care of our mental health is still an issue people find difficult to discuss and there is still a stigma in society although things are getting better. There have been many issues raised about mental health and recently ITVs campaign Get Britain Talking has been aired on Primetime TV to help people deal with mental health by ignoring phones and other distractions and start talking www.itv.com/BritainGetTalking.
“We all know that these days there are more distractions than ever, because we are looking at the telly or we’re looking at our phones. But, it’s so important for our mental well-being to remember to get together with people we care about and talk.”
Just talking to family and friends or phoning for a chat instead of texting can lift your spirits. It seems we have lost the art of real conversation with the development of technology. Social media too is affecting us all.
Technology is good for certain things, face timing relatives abroad, finding out information and online learning. However, it can have a negative impact on your sense of wellbeing, especially if you start to compare yourself to others. Friends posting holiday photos, publicising the best parts of their lives. Online gurus presenting vast amounts of information, their perceived success making us feel like failures. Remember what people post online is not the whole story. The images and content you see is a carefully prepared snapshot of their life.
We can all smile and look our best for the camera for a second or two.
- Photos don’t tell the full story
Learning to be confident and to feel good about yourself can sometimes be difficult. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses, but we all have strengths too. Focus on your strengths, work on your weaknesses without expecting perfection and begin to believe in yourself.
- Be aware of your thinking
At times you may feel you are not good enough, other people know more, are more talented, more gifted, more beautiful, when in fact, they are not. Your mind can play tricks on you and undermine your confidence, and this has an impact on the thoughts you have about yourself.
How would having more confidence change things for you?
- Would you achieve more at work, get a promotion, earn more money?
- Would you start living for yourself and do things you want to do instead of listening to the expectations of others?
- Would you feel good about yourself and have more fun?
Switch off auto pilot
We tend to live life on auto pilot, doing the same things, reacting to things in the same way and rarely taking time out to learn about ourselves.
When was the last time you really thought about your motivations, your habits, the way you react to others and why you react the way you do?
What do you do when you get up in the morning?
- What’s your daily routine?
- What things irritate you? How do you react to these irritations?
- What makes you smile?
- What do you look forward to?
- What things do you do that you don’t really want to?
Read the article here to identify what your values are and how they underpin your motives.
Understanding how you think and feel about yourself is important to living a life of contentment.
Change what you believe.
Write down what you believe about yourself in the different roles you have in life. You may want to write headings for each area and write underneath, (see list of words below to help you.)
Roles: Mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, colleague, boss…
Are there any common beliefs coming up?
Look at the words you have chosen to believe about yourself and decide what you feel is true about yourself. If you have a friend, ask them to look at your list and comment on what is true.
adventurous caring thoughtful critical irritable patient proud bossy lazy loving supportive indecisive impatient flexible selfish organised fearful spontaneous worthy sensitive unemotional compassionate creative trusting aggressive nervous sociable
To build confidence, you must believe in yourself and accept who you are. Accept your strengths, accept your weaknesses. You are who you are and have nothing to prove to anybody else. Accept that none of us is perfect but know that you can change the way you see yourself and the way other people treat you. By building confidence, the words and actions of other people will affect you less and less and over time you will have the ability to move forward with strength no matter what.
Be aware of self criticism.
Put behind you the self-criticism, forget who you think you are and forget the negative people who have told you who are. Your mind will tell you all sorts of untruths and you must change the way you think. Your thoughts are your past. It’s now time to focus on a better future and a confident new you.
Check out Fears around changes
Most of your feelings of failure, self-doubt or lack of confidence, stem from the many roles and responsibilities you play out every day. You can feel like you are being pulled in many different directions making you feel overwhelmed and stressed.
Develop ground rules for yourself and keep yourself in check
Be the magnificent individual you know you can be. Clear your mind of the clutter. Refuse to listen to your false beliefs.
You will get there with focus and self-acceptance. You will develop confidence become stronger and develop more belief in yourself with practice.
Forget mistakes, forget the things you did or did not do, forget the expectations set by others, forget the worry and the fear. You can choose to let all these things go and create new thoughts.
Be aware of the saboteurs of your confidence, a family member, a work colleague, a friend. Their put downs and derogatory comments are their problem, their bad attitude, their lack of self-respect and lack of respect for you. You deserve respect and you deserve to live your life as you want to.
Release the negative opinions of others. Release their expectations of you. Do what needs to be done for you and not what other expect to be done. No one has the right to criticise you or belittle you. Feel confident in your own ability and know you have every opportunity to be whoever you choose to be.
Spend as much of your time as possible with the people that respect you, support you and show you love, and the people who make you smile.
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